Whose Goals Are They Anyway?
I love planning. I love to spend time analysing the goals I want to achieve and then break them down into manageable tasks, finally coming up with a chart or worksheet which assigns days and timeslots to each requirement. Working on my plan not only gives me a sense of calm and control, but it also enthuses and motivates me…it makes me want to get going!
So, having set out my goals and broken everything down into tasks, you’d think that I would race towards my goals with no problems whatsoever, but like most people this just isn’t the case. We’ve talked about distractions before, but today I want to delve a little deeper and take a different angle.
Have you ever considered that despite all your planning you might actually be living into someone else’s goals? Think about it this way: do you notice an innocent tendency to put more effort into someone else’s needs than your own goals? Picture this…
A friend calls me up and asks if I wouldn’t mind driving her to the gym as her son has borrowed her car, but he can pick her up later she assures me. It’s really only a 20 minute round trip, so of course I say yes. Over an hour later, I’m finally back at my computer trying to meet my writing deadline. The muse evaporated long ago; around about the time I felt the little twinge of resentment when we had to call at the supermarket on the way to the gym to pick up a few things she was missing for the dinner party she’s hosting tonight. Of course my friend is a very happy lady; she’s achieved her fitness goals for the day and is looking forward to an enjoyable evening!
By contrast, I’m frustrated and resentful; I’ve allowed a key part of my day to fall into someone else’s plans and will now spend the rest of the day feeling rushed, the calm and control that previously existed gone.
Variations of this type of scenario crop up regularly. The pleas for help are different but the outcome is usually the same. There’s a great quote by Jim Rohn which sums up the effect of this tendency to help others at the expense of our own goals very powerfully:
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”
This is a stark reminder of the importance of not only working out what you want for your life, but also of the need to take the time and make the effort to do the work to get there. In other words, we must always protect our goal time otherwise there’s a very good chance that we’ll fall into someone else’s plans which will ultimately take us off course.
Now, I don’t advocate that we stop helping other people! I love to see others succeed at their goals, and if I can help in their quest I’m more than happy to do that. No, what I’m saying is that we all need to be keenly aware of our priorities and then take a measured view as to whether the request for help fits with our plans at that time. After all, in many cases, we can help later.
So how do we protect the time we plan to spend on our goals? Well, I think it’s about controlling expectations, not yours incidentally, but the expectations others unknowingly place on you. In some ways you could call them your personal rules. In the business world this is common practice, businesses attempt to control customer expectations in order to avoid complaints etc. Similarly we can do the same. It’s important to place barriers around your key working times (this is especially true if you work from home), the times when you will not respond to requests for help, other than to assure the requestor that you will help later. If you can stick to this regime, then in time the requests will slow and then probably stop altogether as others respect your working times.
Consider writing out some personal rules and placing them somewhere you will see them often, as a reminder of an ideal to work towards. Share your new rules with those nearest to you so that they won’t consider your plans a personal rebuff, and then work the rules as often and as consistently as possible. You’ll likely see an increase in your productivity and/or progress towards your goals which will make you feel happier, and of course, if you feel happier, everyone around you will benefit!
So what sort of rules do you already have? Do they work? Please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences, you never know who you might help!
Photo: SurFerGiRL30
Fantastic quote, it reminds me of ‘Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans’ – John Lennon.
But it is very true, I think I spend time chasing everybody else, and where do my plans fit in? I keep a never ending to do list which I constantly add to, this is great as I find that when I have the time to stop and make plans, I then make a more concise list and achieve more on my working days.
I keep action plans and tick these off as I go and add more to the bottom of the list – these things at the bottom of the list eventually end up on top. We can’t all have the luxury of a PA, so my (paper) notebook and electronic (mobile phone) help me with this! I set reminders for myself and try to follow these when I can, the snooze button is also great as if you get sidetracked you can also be re-reminded.
Great post Nicola 🙂
Oh for the luxury of a PA Becky!! Setting reminders is a good idea to bring us back on task as it’s so easy to be pulled in other directions. Thanks for sharing your tip 🙂
Great and thought provoking post Nicola! I’ve fallen into the same trap of putting the priorities of others ahead of my own and suffered the consequences of feeling resentful or stressed out. I’ve since learned how to say no without guilt by asking myself if an ask aligns to my priorities
Well done Chivon, taking just a few seconds to check if the request aligns with my goals at that moment is all it takes. I need to work this more often! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Nicola,
I’m stopping by from UBC.
This is great post that really hit home. Your story sounded like my week! I really need to put rules in place, because everybody else is succeeding with my help!
Thanks for “rattling my cage”!
You’re welcome Stephanie! We could all do with a little cage rattling occasionally, I know I could! I love your words ‘everyone else is succeeding with my help’, that’s spot on! Thanks for your post 🙂
I love the quote by Jim ROhn that you mentioned. I’ve learned to block out some things when I need to focus. The ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature on my iPhone has allowed me to lock in on just calls from my wife and other immediate family, who I tell to only reach me in an emergency when Im locked in. Thanks for this. – via UBC
Great idea Robert. Up until now I’ve only used this tool when I’m at meetings, but I think this is worth trying in other areas of my life too. Thanks for sharing 🙂
So true Nicola! So many times it’s hard to say no to someone’s request for help. Unless it’s an emergency, if I cannot do it at that time, I will tell them that I would love to help them in an hour, or tomorrow, etc. This way I am not saying no altogether, but that I would love to help when I am able to. They do respect this, and if they can wait, then they do. If not, they ask someone else. Thanks for your post.
Well done on getting to grips with “No” or “not know, but later”. This can be so difficult for many people but as you rightly point out Bonnie, learning to do this gracefully can really help keep us aligned with our goals. Thanks for posting your thoughts 🙂
Hi Nicola,
Great to meet you too. I’ve read the articles on your blog and they are
very thought provoking. Like most things some you’ve heard before but you
tend to forget or they are pushed to the back of your mind. I think you’ve
articulated them well and in a different guise to how I have come across
them previously. Particularly pertinent to me are the goal setting, belief
and weapons of mass distraction! (great title). Thanks so much for
bringing these back to the forefront of my mind and, hopefully, this time
I’ll do something constructive with them.
Wish you all the best with what you are doing and what you wish to do in
the future I’m sure you will reach your goals with such a positive and
thought provoking platform that you’ve started. You’ve made yourself
accountable to your followers now……
Please keep in touch and I look forward to your next postings.
Onwards and upwards.
Lyndon
Thanks Lyndon for your lovely comment 🙂 Yes, I guess I am accountable to my followers (love that!), and I hope they keep me on my toes! You’re moving in the right direction Lyndon, your actions show that, so I’m sure you’ll make positive progress too. Keep those distractions to a minimum and get your goals out there publicly – we’ll all keep you on track! Good luck 🙂
Excellent post Nicola! During the week most of my time is taken up with my full-time job, so the only time I really get to focus a lot on my other goals, such as writing my book, or working on freelance writing or transcription, is on the weekends. As a general rule, I don’t work on anything else until I’ve accomplished at least one task that takes me closer to accomplishing my goal.
Thanks Erica! That’s an excellent idea! Taking at least one task and prioritising it ahead of all other tasks is an excellent way to ensure you’re always making steady progress!