Keeping on plugging at our goals can at times be an uphill struggle. As we’ve discussed before we can run into negativity and resentment from others, our own mind can try to pull us back as we embark on new and unfamiliar territory, and in general it can just be difficult to find the motivation to keep going when we’re tired, confused and all-done-in!
Against this backdrop, what if our normal day-to-day activities take a turn for the worse too? How do we find the strength to carry on?
I’ve often felt that as long as one area of my life (one of the “roles” I play) holds together then I can command enough strength from there to carry me through those areas where things are a little tough. And, having discussed this idea with others, it seems that there is some truth in it. It appears that where everything around us feels like it’s falling apart, if we can find a little island of solace somewhere amongst the noise and confusion, then this is the place to hold fast, draw comfort from and to use as the starting point for our comeback.
In this respect I used to think very two-dimensionally. My thinking went along the lines of home-life versus work-life and therefore, as long as one or other of these areas was ticking over nicely, I could cope with the demands thrown at me from the less compliant one at that time.
But maybe this two-dimensional view is too restrictive. Our lives are intricate and made up of many facets. We cross into the paths of others on more occasions than we realise, their presence affecting our lives whilst our presence affects their lives also. And of course we also have our personal goals, which will cover a broad range of activities unique to ourselves.
On carrying out a little research into the (very broad) area of stress, one of the things which I keep returning to is the conclusion that it’s not circumstances that cause stress, but instead, it’s our reaction to the circumstances that brings about our reality for that particular situation. In other words, our perception of the circumstances determines our reaction. Observation of people in similar circumstances would probably prove this point to be true, since people will react in different ways to the same events based on their own perceptions.
Andrew Bernstein upholds this view and says: “The truth is that stress doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about those circumstances.”
This is all well and good, but the reality for most of us is that controlling our reactions to various stressful stimuli will vary according to the number of said stressful stimuli we are experiencing at any particular time. If life offers us too many challenges in one go then it becomes more and more difficult to fend off the ensuing stress. Let’s take an example and then compound it!
- Your company has just landed a major contract – you will be the lead manager with the support of your excellent team. All other things ‘remain equal’. In these circumstances you’re likely to experience excitement!
Now, let’s add a few problems…
- Your Team Leader announces his resignation to take up a new post at a rival company.
- Your child becomes ill.
- You receive an unexpected tax bill (it’s probably an error, but will need sorting out, and there’s a deadline to meet or you will incur a fine).
- Your car is stolen.
- Your neighbour complains about your noisy teen.
- You stub your toe on the way out of the shower…ouch…
Now, at what point do our perceptions and ‘acceptance’ of the circumstances move from ‘it’s life, sometimes bad things happen’ to ‘why me, I can’t take any more!’?
To a large extent I agree with Mr Bernstein, but I can’t help wondering what part overwhelm with compounded problems plays in our individual ability to cope with the things that life throws at us. Even Mother Teresa was quoted as saying:
“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”
Which gives us some insight into how dealing with many and ongoing problems can become an issue for even the most imperturbable of people.
In the end, we all have to accept that ‘even this will pass’ and try to move on with our lives as best we can. Each problem taken individually is manageable for most people, and, given time we will recover our natural joie de vivre. But if life is throwing a few too many curve balls for you right now, why not give some of these things a try to attempt to alleviate some of the overwhelm:
Exercise
Cardio vascular exercise is known to alleviate the symptoms of stress. It’s difficult to dwell on problems when we’re running, pumping iron, swimming or even zumba dancing! The endorphin release will also give us a needed rush of feel-good hormones and help us cope better.
Meditation
If exercise sounds like too much right now, how about meditation? Just taking some time to find a quiet space, to close our eyes and breathe slowly and calmly has a beneficial effect on our stress levels. You might want to find a class in your locality or look on the web for some techniques to enhance your effectiveness with meditation.Youtube also has some useful resources.
Scaling Back
When there’s just too much to do, too many people to see, support and/or placate, find some areas where you can scale back your commitments, even if only on a temporary basis. You could:
- Delegate some of your meetings or some of your less important work
- Give the dog walking to another family member for a while
- Skip a few club nights or social events if you’re just not up to it
Think laterally, the scale-back doesn’t need to be associated with the problem area, just make a bit of breathing space to gain some perspective.
Finding your natural joy
In a world where we are at the beck and call of many other people and/or demands, having something to fall back on which is ours alone offers us a gentle pleasure which others cannot taint, unless we let them.
My commitment to write on my blog twice a week has grown into a habit which I can no longer avoid, not because of some expectation placed on me by others, but because I now need to write. Writing has become a part of me and in this context it is cathartic.
What simple pleasure can you retreat to which is yours alone? Find this solace and spend some time there.
I hope these little tips will help you if you are in a place of stress and/or overwhelm. If nothing else, you are not alone, and in time you will recover your old self.
Over to you – do you have any stress relieving techniques to share? Please let us know in the comments!
Photo: Zest-pk