Do you know who you are and fully recognise the real person who lurks inside?
Think about this for a moment and ask yourself ‘do my actions reflect the person I really am?’
I was thinking about this view because we are so fond of putting labels on ourselves, whether they are good or bad, and wondered to what extent we live up (or down) to these definitions. I was also thinking about the old adage that ‘actions speak louder than words’ and I am sure there have been times when you’ve witnessed a disparity in what somebody says and what he then does. But of course, we can be, and sometimes are, all guilty of this trait.
I wonder why this is? Is it because we want to impress someone or maybe we want to be liked or to fit in? Or maybe we just don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do, in which case, it wouldn’t be self-evident that we were in fact not acting consistently with the person we believe ourselves to be.
Placing labels on ourselves is normal and obviously helpful in allowing us to define who we believe we are to other people. But let’s just have a look at the idea of definitions.
When we state things about ourselves, we are attempting to convey a personal belief relating to a fundamental or central part of our character. For example:
- I am confident.
- I am shy.
- I’m the black sheep of the family.
- People often feel that they can confide in me.
- I’m the life and soul of the party!
But, the idea of personal definitions is double-edged, as we may believe that we are any of these statements (or any other definition we choose to apply to ourselves), but our actions may betray different, deep-seated beliefs we have about ourselves and we may therefore not be presenting ourselves as the person we actually consider ourselves to be.
In other words, who we believe we are internally may not be the person who turns up externally.
But does that really matter?
Well, it depends on whether we’re happy with this potential personality discord. If, on the inside we’re outgoing and gregarious, but in social situations we are seen as a wallflower then we will likely experience frustration at our noticeable lack of confidence. Or, maybe we have a potential masterpiece lurking within us, but, for reasons unknown to us, we fail to produce (or even make a start on) the work needed to bring it to fruition and so once again we may experience frustration or even bewilderment at our lack of results.
Therefore it’s important to recognize that applying definitions to ourselves can work against us, or, they can be a powerful force for change which can help us reach our goals. Paying attention to them therefore becomes imperative if we’re to see the reality we want to live make an appearance around us.
But, the unfortunate reality is that most of us are so attached to our present ways of thinking (our beliefs, perceptions and reactions) that we don’t challenge ourselves often enough to step outside the limits we’re currently enforcing upon ourselves.
As the philosopher Rene Descartes tells us:
“I think, therefore I am”
This isn’t a statement of our existence, but rather a reference to how we present ourselves to the world. The way I appear to the world will be interpreted by others from my actions and behaviours and not from the things I say. My actions and behaviours arise from my beliefs. My actions, then, are the truest demonstration of my beliefs, even if I don’t accept that!
So, if you keep telling yourself (consciously or subconsciously) that you’re no good at maths or that you are disorganised or that money is the root of all evil, your behaviours will be such that they will maintain this status quo even though outwardly we may ‘pretend’ to be someone different. However:
- If you believe that maths is an enigma to you, then you will avoid putting yourself in situations where your maths skills will be called upon.
- If you believe that you are disorganised you will probably cram too much into your day and consequently end up running late, or you’ll absent-mindedly put your car keys down and forget where they are…
- If you believe that money is the root of all evil your actions will always ensure that you never have sufficient money to meet all your desires and maybe not even all your needs since you will always be trying to get rid of it as quickly as it comes to you.
These examples may sound a little extreme, but stop and think about them for a moment. Are you able to see the results of these (or other negative) beliefs in your own life? After all it’s your results (the things that actually show up in your life) that really show your true beliefs!
In the end then, our beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies. In other words, we create the results we expect to see and by doing so we have all the evidence we need to support our beliefs!
But it’s not all bad news. Whilst our beliefs will have been with us for many, many years in most cases, it’s not impossible to change them and to create the reality we really want to live. However, as we know, change can be difficult, and, to make matters worse, sustained change can be even harder to maintain in the long term.
Many blog posts ago I used a quote from Henry Ford which is worth repeating here as it succinctly sums up what we need to do:
If we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we always got!
Now, if we simply change the words ‘do’ and ‘done’ for ‘think’ and ‘thought’, we get:
If we always think what we’ve always thought, we’ll always get what we always got.
You see, most of our daily actions are habits, things that we do without really thinking, and if this is the case (which it is!), then we’re relying on beliefs which may no longer be serving us well.
This is why it’s important that we should always be willing to challenge our thinking. If aspects of our life aren’t as we would like it to be, we need to ask ourselves what are our thoughts (beliefs) around these outcomes? What thoughts are driving our actions?
In doing so, wherever we find a belief which no longer supports our desired results, it must be changed to something more allied to our current goals. Simply, it looks like this:
- I am great at maths!
- I am so organised!
- Money is a power for good and I use it to enrich mine and others’ lives!
Simple, but not easy to apply consistently!
We’re now beginning to wander into the realm of affirmations, which deserves its own blog post, so for now, take some time to challenge your thoughts, your beliefs that may be driving actions leading to undesired results. Self-knowledge will equip you to move forward and in a later post, I’ll explore affirmations in more detail! Good luck!
Photo: See-ming Lee
Great Post!!!