Lessons in Failure

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

I have no idea where this adage comes from, but the great thing about this and many other sayings, is that they are usually true!

Unfortunately though, we are taught, either formally or mostly informally that failure is a bad thing, and yet in the view of successful people this just isn’t the case.  You only need look to Thomas Edison’s famous quote:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

for a healthy reminder of the need to try various options regardless of the failure rate, and yet, we persist in holding back on our dreams, for the most part due to the fear of failure.

Wonderful though it is to have a reminder that when we’re knocked back by failure, it is most likely in our interests to get back up and try again, what this saying doesn’t address is the need to be prepared to take action in the first place.  For many people there is much difficulty in making a start on something new without any guarantee of a successful outcome.  But fundamentally, failure to start is the biggest failure:

‘You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try’.   Beverly Sills

Failure to start then, becomes something much more profound and deep-seated within our personal make-up.  But why do we feel like this?  Maybe we’ve suffered humiliation in the past when we’ve tried something new and were ridiculed by those we looked to for approval.  This may not have been because the outcome was a failure, but rather because they didn’t have faith in our ability to make a success of what we planned to do.  Living beyond this limitation then becomes even more difficult as not only do we need the strength to work through the difficulties presented by something new, but we also need to learn to see past other peoples’ limited views of us.

But, for the most part, the reason we don’t want to fail is because we will experience negative feelings.  There are very few of us who are able to shake off a failure with a nonchalant ‘oh well then, the worst happened, but let’s try again’.  Instead we often feel inadequate and beat ourselves with the proverbial stick for the mess we’ve made.

But in this dark place are the seeds not only of recovery, but also the presence of opportunity.  It’s in our failures that we learn the greatest lessons.  We’ve learned the way it shouldn’t or can’t be done and now we must tweak and adjust and start again.  It may be that our next attempt could meet with failure too, but, again, our efforts are experimental in nature, the tweaking and adjusting being the little changes that will bring us closer to a successful outcome.

We’re also often guilty of being our own worst critic, setting amazingly high expectations of ourselves which in themselves are often doomed to failure at the outset.  But, how often have we failed at something and yet we’ve received encouraging feedback from others who’s perception of the event is different as they can see the shoots of success amongst our clumsy efforts?

And yet, we persist with the hypothetical ‘what if the worst should happen?’

For those who may have experienced financial hardship due to a plan not working out, or have a relationship go bad that began with huge promise, this sounds like a trite comment to make.

I think the answer to a question of this nature is buried within our experience up to this point and also in our ability to adapt and make changes as circumstances alter.  In all situations, and especially in those where our experiences are new, we must be alert to potential pitfalls and ready to make any necessary adjustment.  This must include the willingness to make a non-emotional decision to bail out when things have moved so far away from our original plan that we no longer have the means to keep a level of control with which we are happy, and by that, I mean the willingness to take full responsibility for the part we play in our ‘failure’.

But, this is all getting a bit serious!

I think the point I’m trying (rather unsuccessfully) to make is that all ‘failures’ (aka experiences) should be tempered with the  realisation that they are basically a source for learning, a means of assessing progress and making any necessary changes, and ultimately a means for personal growth.

If we can use these statements as an outline for embarking on a new goal, then any failure we experience should (notwithstanding any disappointment we may feel) be a cause for a sensible review of what went well, what didn’t and what needs to change.  Enlisting some objective feedback could also prove useful.

So, when the nameless crowd laughs or gossips about your failures, move on and keep your faith in yourself.  Secretly they probably admire you for trying anyway.  And let’s be honest here, you admire yourself for trying, don’t you?  And why shouldn’t you?

What’s the best lesson you’ve ever learned from ‘failure’?  Care to share your experience…I’d love to hear!

Photo: Denise Krebs