I did that!

I sat back, content and smug, and continued to stare at the website I’d been working on for the last three weeks.  A ‘cheshire cat’ grin tugged the corners of my mouth upwards as I thought to myself: ‘I did that!’.

Welcome to my new website, it’s been three weeks in the making, thanks to my very limited knowledge of anything techy, but here it is! Working on my website has got me thinking about how far I’ve come since I started this journey…

Do you ever take the time to look back at your achievements? I must admit that this isn’t something I do very often, preferring instead to stay as focussed as possible on the journey ahead. This attitude of not looking back is clearly supported by a number of successful people also, as there are many relevant quotes out there and this one from Zig Ziglar springs to mind immediately:

“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way!”

Succinct and to the point!

But maybe there are occasions when it would be beneficial for us to spend even just a small amount of time perusing our memories and acknowledging our achievements.

I’ve often discovered, on looking back at past work that it often feels like it’s been done by a different person. I’m often struck by the thought did I really write that? This is in a positive way, I must emphasize! It’s as if I can’t quite believe that I was capable of writing something that was essentially ok…if not quite good actually! This is empowering and serves as a good reminder that when we actually put our mind to creating something, learning a new skill or making any kind of positive change in our lives we in fact shift our perception of ourselves, albeit imperceptibly, it seems.

It’s almost as if we fail to notice that a change is happening. However, it’s entirely likely that those around you are noticing the changes you’re making, but whether they view the change positively or negatively may well determine how they react to your changed state.

But to get back to our inability to notice the changes we make. I sometimes wonder if this is because even though we may actively be making changes, eg, by changing our diets, learning a new language or maybe just putting things away after we’ve finished using them, we don’t often acknowledge that the change is leading us to grow in some way.

Furthermore, sometimes the need to change is thrust upon us by circumstances and so in the moment we don’t necessarily welcome the changes afoot. Consequently we continue to feel that ‘once things get back to normal, I can go back to my usual behaviour’. Of course this is true: we can return to our previous behaviour and habits, but, having stepped out of our comfort zone, we will now forever have a larger comfort zone. Change has made us grow.

Is this a good thing? Well, it depends. As the saying goes “whatever doesn’t break us makes us stronger”, which is probably true for most people. But that ‘strength’ may have come at a very high price, a price that we’re not altogether happy about having paid. If this is the case, then we run the risk of becoming ‘stuck’ in our resentment or living on ‘if only’s’. You probably know people like this or you may well have experienced this feeling yourself.

There is no right or wrong, of course, it’s just that (in my opinion, anyway) if life has thrown a set of difficult circumstances our way which we then manage to manoeuvre our way through, we should instead be congratulating ourselves on our fortitude and courage. In doing so we celebrate ourselves and we can look back in awe at how far we’ve come. I’ve no doubt that others, having watched your difficult navigations from afar or in a supportive capacity have marvelled at your bravery, even though this may have not been evident to you at the time. You may not even have felt it was warranted!

But, regardless of this, it is appropriate to give credit to yourself, in the same way you would offer encouragement and support to friends who were facing a challenge.

Nevertheless, it’s not just overcoming difficult circumstances that deserve our praise. We should also be prepared to review with appreciation the good things that we have achieved. Humility of course is wonderful, but if we’re not prepared to ‘thank’ and appreciate ourselves for the hard work we have done, then, when faced with similar positive challenges we may be less likely to commit and follow through. We should therefore recognise and celebrate our success, thereby giving ourselves a positive reinforcement of our actions. By doing so we send a clear message to ourselves that we are worthy of praise. Of course, it’s sensible to keep the reward commensurate with the achievement, but in the end, it’s the acknowledgement that makes it important.

As I said at the beginning of this blog, looking back over my achievements tends to fill me with a sense of disbelief, of feelings that I could not possibly have written the words which populate my blogs, book and Facebook page. I believe part of this disbelief stems from my own propensity to fail to acknowledge my own achievements. It’s as if I’ve been waiting for external validation of my right to write. To some extent this validation happens, especially through comments received from readers of my blog, book and via my Facebook page. But, we are all busy people and sometimes these external validations do not appear. Should I therefore be disappointed with the work I’ve produced? I’ll be honest with you, blog writing can be a lonely existence. Sometimes if it wasn’t for the visitor stats I see for my blog, I wouldn’t know you were all out there 😉 , but really this misses the point of the message contained within this blog. That is, that I must be prepared to validate my own progress and successes through acknowledgement and celebration. In doing so, I will be giving myself encouragement to continue the journey, even on those days when I must walk the path alone. This is a truth for us all.

A final point I’d like to make in support of these thoughts on validation comes from a status update I read a few days ago (perfect timing!) from Jack Canfield. Jack maintains that we are apt to remember more failures in our lives than successes. The reason for this is that we attach emotion to our failures through disappointment, regret, frustration etc. We sometimes have these feelings reinforced by others also, thereby increasing the amount of dissatisfaction and failure we feel. Consequently we remember these failures acutely and can readily call them to mind bidden or unbidden.

In contrast, we often let our successes (small and large) slip by completely or relatively unnoticed, or worse, we feel a kind of embarrassment for them and so they get clothed in some kind of negative garb. Is it any wonder then that we easily remember our failures but struggle to recollect our successes?

It’s well past the time we changed this cycle. It’s time to play down the failures and instead treat them like the lessons they are, and it’s time to smile for and celebrate our achievements. We must not only do this for ourselves, but also for those amongst us who could use this kind of positive reinforcement.

So, in recognition of the successful re-launch of my blog, I’m raising a glass of my favourite rosé. I hope you’ll join me!