How I’m Using Affirmations To Become The Real Me

The thing I love about affirmations is the way they subtlety allow new and empowering truths to embed themselves into my mind. In using them, I gently become the person I want to be, or rather, the person I know I am. I’m continually surprised when a new behaviour naturally makes an appearance and I realise, on reflection, that I’ve been affirming it as part of my daily routine!

The adage goes that we need to take some time to find ourselves. We need to take time to find out what really makes us happy, what makes us sad, to find out where our passions lie, for work, for love, even for food (maybe this one is easier!). But is this really true? Do we really need to find ourselves?

I think there’s another way to think about this and that’s to consider the things we know, or better put, believe about ourselves. For example, if I believe that I am a shy person, is this really true? Will setting out on a journey of self-discovery enlighten me sufficiently to categorically confirm that I am indeed a shy person? Furthermore, even if I am able to determine that this is the case, will I like what I discover or will I be inclined to make changes so that I am no longer a shy person? Maybe being a shy person doesn’t sit well with my aspirations and I therefore perceive that there is a need for change.

In a world where we are bombarded with images and words telling us who we should be, it can be difficult to separate the real person inside from the person we feel we have a duty to be. There are many people we feel we need to please in order to feel connected and accepted. We want to feel that we are part of the group and therefore we conform.

Yet, as we succumb, slowly or sometimes quickly, to external expectations and pressures, we lose the real person inside. We put our own aspirations on hold or maybe even dismiss them altogether as being a thing of nonsense. They become something which is out of our reach and just ‘not the kind of thing people like me do’. Do you recognise this to some degree, of yourself?

What makes this process worse is that much of our beliefs about ourselves are set down in our early years. When we are just children, we take on board all our early influences and, through a neurological process we adopt these influences as beliefs about ourselves, regardless of whether they are true or not.

Furthermore, and to compound matters, there is a tendency for our early influences to be more negative than positive. We are told ‘No!’, ‘Stop!’, ‘Don’t!’ so often – is it any wonder that we eventually grow up fearful of pursuing the life we truly desire?

Of course, a lot of these early statements were there to ensure our safety and there was no malice intended from our parents, teachers and other significant influencers in our early lives, but, nevertheless, these repeated cautions will have worn deep ruts into our psyche until they feel as if they represent who we really are. We are not the type of person who jumps from airplanes with a parachute strapped to our backs, or the kind of person who embarks on a travelling adventure alone, or even the kind of person who has pets. Indeed the restrictions we place on our lives can be many and varied, both seemingly benign and sometimes extreme.

On the flipside of this coin, maybe we are the type of person who has pets – because that was the family norm, or maybe parachuting adventures feature highly on our regular list of activities. Perhaps adventure in our lives is a need we just must fulfil.

The point is that whatever beliefs (which translate into actions) we’re living with right now may or may not represent the person we truly believe ourselves to be. However, they are so ingrained within us, that we no longer question them and instead we accept them as that’s the way we are. We affirm that that’s just the way we were born and so we can’t change.

But that’s just not true!

Whilst there is evidence that genes have an effect on the person we become, there is far more strength in the statement that we can become the person we want to be and we are not destined to stay the same for all our lives. In other words, we can change!

Yet, to take advantage of this, we must take action, and affirmations are a useful tool in this transformation process. Additionally, the wonderful thing about using affirmations is that (at this stage) we don’t need to believe them! By using them daily they build a new connection in our brain which eventually restricts the older, less useful behaviour. They are, in essence, daily reminders of the person we are becoming.

So how can we change our beliefs in order to effect changed behaviour?

I consider affirmations as a long-term method of bringing about the change I desire. My existing beliefs have been with me for as long as I can remember, and probably even longer than that, so I’m mindful that a quick change is not likely to happen. However, I have had sustained success with using affirmations.

My main techniques include:

• Listening to affirmations on CD (maybe in the car, whilst doing a mindless repetitive task, or just running in the background).
• Reading a list of preferred affirmations (sometimes quietly, sometimes out loud).
• Writing a list of preferred affirmations.

My morning routine includes around 20 minutes of reading and writing my most important affirmations.

Here are some of my favourite affirmations that are included in my morning routine:

To help overcome procrastination:

• I am someone who takes action and gets things done!

To help me prioritise my work:

• I plan my work and I work my plan every day.
• I always do the most important things first.

So I don’t become overwhelmed with negative circumstances or a bad mood:

• I push through any negative reactions I experience and I continue my day on plan.

To help me adopt healthy habits:

• I drink at least 3 glasses of water every day.
• I eat at least 2 pieces of fruit every day.
• I exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.

 As you can see, none of these are earth-shattering, but instead they aim at installing new basic beliefs about the kind of person I am (or aspire to be). These little daily reminders tend to pop into my mind now and then, often as a challenge to a particular behaviour which is at odds with this affirmation. For example, if an unhelpful situation arises and threatens to distract me from my work, I’m reminded that negative circumstances should not derail my intended actions – and, most of the time, it works!

It’s difficult to say when the changes occur as they are so gradual and often imperceptible, but I’m convinced of their efficacy.

Why not give them a try yourself?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on and experiences of using affirmations? Have you had any success with using affirmations? Alternately, maybe you see no value in using affirmations – why is that? Please leave a comment and share your story!

If you’ve enjoyed this post, don’t forget to subscribe (top of column on the right) to get notifications of new posts as they arrive!

Photo: BK , Thibault Martin-Lagardette  , 隙頂的天空