An Ideal Day?!

…and b-r-e-a-t-h-e….

It was the start of a hectic day.  In this case a Sunday which should have been relaxing, but wasn’t.

You know the kind of day when you can’t seem to find a moment for yourself, when your mental to-do list is screaming for attention, but others’ demands are screaming even louder. The upshot is frustration, overwhelm and stress!

‘Welcome to my world’ I hear you say. And indeed, I hear it.

I have this utopian vision of waking up on a Sunday morning, the sun is shining, casting diagonal brightness through the blinds across the white duvet, my first cup of tea has already been placed by the bed and all is well with the world.

Instead, it was a fitful night’s sleep, punctuated with cat fights (literally) and toothache (ouch!). The morning has dawned grey (but, thankfully, dry) and my morning cuppa is hurting my aching tooth. Add to the mix a hubby with a pulled back muscle, barely walking and needing some TLC, three adult children competing for bathrooms to see who can get out of the house soonest and my mental-to-do list screaming its needs at me, and instead it feels like Armageddon!

Sunday is my main writing day of the week. I look forward to it and it’s important to me. It’s a creative outlet that whilst it can feel a bit unnerving if I haven’t figured out what I’m going to write about (happens often!), it also provides a sense of huge satisfaction once it’s complete.

But, like many people I have a lot to do and frankly, Sundays can be a bit of a marathon of busy-ness! You could say that I am responsible for the kind of hectic life I’ve created around myself. But that’s only part of the truth, because whilst I thrive on being busy when I’m achieving the things I’ve set for myself for that particular day, by contrast I rapidly wane when I’m diverted to do other tasks that…

• I just don’t want to do
• I’m not very good at
• I don’t see the point of
• Are of less importance than my own task list (in my opinion)

I’m sure you can recognise this in your own life, whether that’s in a work setting or your personal life.

Of course, busy-ness is relative; what’s busy to me could be a stroll in the park for you, but that view ignores the fact of our shared human experience. And on this dismal Sunday morning, that’s feelings of overwhelm, chaos and mental noise which impedes my ability to think straight. Frankly I don’t know anybody who hasn’t experienced feeling frazzled at some time, and whether this is sporadic or chronic makes little difference when you’re in the thick of it!

But perhaps being overwhelmed is actually something to do with being human, because most people like to help others out. Sometimes we do so voluntarily when we willingly give of our time to our loved ones or to help out a neighbour or a friend who’s struggling with something we know we can help with.

Other times, requests and demands come our way and, although we may not want to do them, we may be compelled out of a sense of duty or because someone in authority requires that we carry out the task. Sometimes it’s about priorities, and specifically others’ priorities.  If, for example, when the request has caught you at a time when, if added to the mix, something else will be pushed into oblivion. I often compare this to a hospital triage system, where less urgent complaints are pushed further and further down the list. I wonder, do they ever go away?

But whilst there may be a physical toll from taking on more and more, the real impact is on how we mentally carry these extra burdens. New tasks have their own little weight to be borne, and some of those weights are unpleasant. How many times have you taken on a new task out of guilt which then burgeoned into resentment? Or maybe you feel panic because you’re not really sure how to do the thing you’ve committed yourself to?

As Kevin DeYoung says:

You can’t bear somebody else’s burden unless you are taking something of their load and it’s weighing you down a little bit.

So what can you do about it?

For some of us using our ‘no-muscle’ is more guilt inducing than taking on the task and dealing with the subsequent feelings, so I’m not even going to suggest that (although it is a very viable suggestion).

So instead, consider this quote from Marcus Buckingham:

Many of us feel stress and get overwhelmed not because we’re taking on too much, but because we’re taking on too little of what really strengthens us.

I believe there’s a lot of truth in this quote and a lot of potential for helping us understand and implement the idea that we need to be ‘full’, or to put it in reverse, cannot be spent if we want to effectively help ourselves and other people.

And in order to be ‘full’, we must include activity in our lives which fill us up. For me, that had to be writing this blog today. I’ll be much happier once this blog is complete to turn my hand to additional domestic chores that hubby can’t do today. This may appear simplistic, but often the best ideas are just that.

If you simply ensure that you have met your own basic needs you will have much more to give, more energy to carry the ‘weight’ of others’ needs and frankly be in a happier place!

I’m sure you’re thinking that this approach is easier said than done, and on some days, that’s probably true (but when you think about those days, are you more overwhelmed than usual?). But, for the majority of our days, we must aim to include working on our own priorities at some point during the day, even if only for a little while.  You don’t need to get the task completed, but aim to make some progress so you can look back over the day and draw satisfaction from your personal gains.

None of us are immune to the needs of others, indeed, life would be incredibly lonely and unfulfilling if we didn’t support one another, but, we all gain when we see to our own needs as well as the needs of others.  If your life feels overwhelming, frustrating or tiresome, try this tactic.  Add back your desires to the mix and actively indulge them for a little or a lot of each day and then see how your frustration subsides.  You’ll be glad you did!

Please feel free to share any examples of your overwhelming days and/or days when you’ve managed to strike a more fulfilling balance and have felt more satisfied as a result.  We all gain from sharing our wins!