A Different View on Comfort Zones
We often think of comfort zones, and more specifically getting out of them, as something that we do to grow. We see it as something difficult and challenging, as if we’re not quite up to the change we want to make and that it will somehow make us feel worse before we feel better.
For example, taking up a regular fitness routine when the most you’ve done recently is the school “run” or maybe you want to improve your public speaking, but, frankly, you’re scared to speak up in a small group, leave alone a roomful of strangers.
But these are examples of stretches outside of your comfort zone, which, although the overall outcome is expected to be positive, the initial steps are scary, difficult or even menacing.
Today’s post is about looking at comfort zones in a different way. I want to consider other times when we stretch outside our comfort zones, which, superficially at least, are anything but scary, difficult or menacing.
Good Comfort Zone Stretches
My story starts a couple of weeks ago…
“I’m away this week. As I write this I’m sitting in bed with an early cup of tea, thinking about how to capture these thoughts. No Mac or word doc to use, I’ve had to use the notes app on my iPad.
It feels odd, uncomfortable. I can’t type as easily, my thoughts are jumbled, coming too quickly for me to get them down.
But I had the realisation this morning that I’ve just been getting used to a new environment, and I want to capture that idea on paper before it slips away. The change – to be on a short holiday, was wanted and looked forward to, but the reality has been different to the expectations. Not in a bad way, it’s just been difficult to adjust.
Our usual breaks are abroad with good, hot, sunny weather, bringing the option of just sitting out and relaxing by the pool. But COVID has restricted that kind of travel this year and getting away means accepting whatever the weather throws your way. Sitting by a pool in a British October has not been an option.
We’ve done a lot of “so what shall we do today” conversations that have then taken us out to another local town for a bit of sightseeing, lunch and walking. Nothing overly exciting, but filling the time so as not to be sitting in the hired cottage and “wasting” our holiday time.
But this new environment, albeit wanted, also required a changed set of behaviours before it can feel comfortable. In the short amount of time we’re here, we’re having to find the groove that works for us. The way we do things, the when and the what to make this holiday something we want it to be.”
Can’t It just Be The Same But Different?
It’s strange when you think about it.
We look forward to holidays for months, occasionally years but sometimes the reality isn’t what we thought it would be. But I wonder if that’s because on an unconscious level we’re actually wanting our “normal” life, but just in a different (better?) location?
But that’s the trouble with any kind of change, whether it’s perceived as good or bad, it will always take us out of our comfort zone.
My husband and I have a standing joke that the best holidays are three weeks long because it takes a week to unwind from your daily routines, another week to just enjoy the holiday for what it is and the third week you spend winding back up ready to return to your normal life.
Facing Up To Change
But where does all this leave us when we’re faced with moving outside a perceived comfort zone because we need or even must make some kind of improvement or change in our lives?
After all, if taking a holiday can push you outside your comfort zone, then how much harder will it be to do something that scares you?
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.
Brian Tracy
Comfort zones come in all shapes and sizes and what fits one person will be a curse to someone else.
• You enjoy your current job (comfort zone) but are ambitious for a promotion.
• You like your current home (comfort zone) but want to move to a bigger house.
But what of the flipside of these examples…the dis-comfort zones?
• You’re bored with and dislike your current job (dis-comfort zone) and want to move on.
• You don’t get along with the new neighbours (dis-comfort zone) and want to move to a different location.
Because, even when faced with living in a dis-comfort zone, it can be hard to make the change. In some ways it’s because we already know what we know and have therefore built up coping mechanisms and boundaries to be able to tolerate the discomfort.
Stepping Into The Unknown
The trouble is, when we’re left wondering what a step into the unknown would bring, maybe it’s best to just put up with the situation?
It sounds ludicrous that anyone would think this way, but, it happens all the time. The problem being of course, that in doing so it erodes your confidence in yourself and you start to believe that this is all you deserve and you’re not capable of taking the steps needed to make the change. Added to that, you might not like the change when you get there.
Change Is Inevitable
But realistically, change of some sort is inevitable. Nothing stays the same for very long.
Plus given that even “good” change is a stretch outside your comfort zone as you endeavour to find the new best fit for you, it’s important to be compassionate with yourself.
Even more importantly, imagine being faced with changing something that you’ve put up with for a long time, have built up coping mechanisms for and are just getting by ok. You will not only have to deal with the discomfort of change, but also with the need to dismantle your coping mechanisms. This will leave you feeling extremely exposed and questioning whether you are doing the right thing.
So have a plan for how you want to move forward, but be prepared to be flexible in your approach as the new lie of the land appears.
And if things don’t go to plan and you’re tempted to give up, or worse, beat yourself up for “failing”, just remember, that even the good changes can be hard. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge how far you’ve already come and congratulate yourself on making this difficult change right now.
Eventually you will find your new normal. Your new comfort zone will emerge and life will settle back down again.
As we navigated a different type of holiday, we needed to try a few new things, and surprisingly, some old things too that we had forgotten about. The funny thing is, that as the week was drawing to an end, we were beginning to find our groove for this type of holiday…just as it was time to come home again.
What to do next…
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