The Messy Middle of Achieving Goals

The Messy Middle of Achieving Goals

We’re living in chaos at the moment, or at least it feels that way: because our en-suite bathroom is being re-modelled. This is something we’ve wanted to get done for a long time, but now the time is here, I’m struggling with the reality of what that desire (aka, goal) actually entails.

I’m at a loss to understand how such a small room has impacted our day-to-day routines so negatively.

Here’s just the short list:

• There seems to be dust and mess everywhere – from the room itself, through the house and right out into the back garden where the waste rubble is accumulating.
• We now have the use of one less toilet and shower – who knew this could be so inconvenient?
• The noise from the banging, scraping and general crashing of debris hitting the floor.
• Floor space being taken up in the dining room and garage to house the new kit that’s waiting to be fitted…

And the list goes on…sigh.

I should be happy that we will soon have a beautiful, newly decorated en-suite bathroom, but right now, all I can think about is the mess, where to find the stuff I’ve had to temporarily re-home and how much longer this thing is going to take!

Welcome To The Messy Middle

Does this sound familiar? Because if you’ve ever undertaken any type of goal I’m sure you will at some point have got caught up in the “messy middle”.

It’s that place where you’ve lost sight of life-before-the -change but the joy of achievement is still so far off in the distance you can’t see it.  Instead you’re right in the middle of no-man’s-land, and it’s a place you would rather not be.

Clearly upending our old en-suite bathroom is physically messy, but other types of goals that don’t involve ripping old tiles from the walls and pulling out toilets can also be messy.  Goals such as learning a new language, writing a book or resolving to build a self-care routine can be less visible to the outside world, but for the person trying to achieve the goal it can be just as messy as you try to work out what you need to do and then adjust to your new routine.

It’s no wonder then that we are “happier” living within our comfort zones when the alternative of having to live through the messy middle is just so, well…messy.

It’s Easy To Stay The Same

But how long could I have lived with our old en-suite bathroom? Probably quite a long time, as long as no one else had to see it, but if it had been a room that was frequented by visitors to my home, then I probably would have gone through the pain of the messy middle a lot earlier than now.

And that’s kind of the issue with goal chasing versus living through the messy middle.

If no one else can see, hear or feel your true wants and desires and their non-accomplishment isn’t affecting anyone else negatively then it can take an enormous effort to put yourself through the pain, work, struggle and mess that making the change will demand.

Skipping To The End

There’s something else too – we (or is that just me?) often don’t think about the messy middle before we embark on our new goal. I know that I often mentally just jump from where I am now to the finished article, for example…

• I’m going on holiday…yay! Versus, we’re going on holidays, oh no! Now I have to find accommodation, do the bookings, pack cases, negotiate the airport and maybe delays (etc etc: the messy middle)

• I’ve signed up for that 10k in a few months (yay, feeling good about myself ), but now I have to do the training, eat the right foods, cancel social engagements and generally feel dismal during the process (aka, the messy middle).

To be honest with you, to some extent I think it’s a good thing that we don’t spend too much time thinking about all the challenges, issues or discomforts that working towards a goal will bring, otherwise we’d never get started. Plus, how many of us have a plethora of ‘helpful’ friends who will happily tell us all the reasons we shouldn’t embark on our goal anyway?

So maybe there’s some merit in ignoring the fact that there will be a messy middle in some shape or form and instead keeping your focus firmly on the goal ahead.

By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
Christopher Columbus

I suppose in many instances it’s possible to turn back, give up or back out and if you’re not fully committed to your goal, this will be a continual temptation as you live and work through the realities of bringing your dream to life.

It’s Just Another Obstacle

But for those of us that really, really want to achieve the goal, the messy middle is just another obstacle or challenge (of which there will be many) that must be overcome.

Intuitively we all know that goal chasing is going to be challenging, but that’s part of the thrill. As they say, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it! So knowing that you are doing something that’s a little or a lot out of the ordinary can be just the catalyst that will keep you going when others have already given up.

So try to see it for what it really is: a daily battle to win a little bit more of the ground you want to inhabit. Then make a point of giving yourself credit where and when you’ve progressed, because we all need that validation, especially as you push your way through the messy middle.

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