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The Games We Play!

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4716539083_ddd6c35460_nSometimes we play a game, it goes a bit like this:

One of us (family member or friend) moans or says something negative, or maybe a little unkind (or sometimes very unkind) or maybe just unnecessarily critical.  The words we’ve uttered will have been unconscious, a habit even, but in any event, they will not have done anything to improve our day.  In fact, they have the effect of reducing our own happiness.

So the game then becomes to counter these negative words and/or emotions by coming up with positive things to say about the thing we have just passed comment on.  We must also at least match the number of positive things we say against the number of negative things we have said!

In some ways the game is silly, but it’s also a little bit of fun, especially if you really feel you have nothing good to say about a person or a situation.  When this happens you really have to dig deep to find something positive to say which can result in some random thoughts! [Read more…] about The Games We Play!

Did You Notice….?

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20131215_183003Have you ever noticed how you stop noticing things?  It’s almost as if we become blind, both to the physical and non-physical things.

I noticed this a few days ago, when, for whatever reason I became aware of the naked bulb in my kitchen.  I don’t remember how or when it happened, but the glass shade that belongs over the bulb got broken and, weeks later, it still hasn’t been replaced.  I had, to all intents and purposes, become blind not only to the physical appearance of the naked bulb, but also to the need to replace it.

This got me thinking about other things that we need to change but inadvertently don’t see, even though this may be causing us some kind of pain (physical or otherwise) or is more apparent (to others) in our tangible environment.

Part of the reason for this I guess is that we fill our lives to such an extent that it clearly is impossible to remember to notice everything.  On some level though we are prioritising those things which are important to us, or, more likely, we are prioritising those things and/or people which are demanding something from us.  But how often do we actually take the time to consciously consider that we are noticing the right things?

But noticing the ‘right’ things isn’t always easy to do of course, particularly if those things have an emotional charge and we would actually rather not deal with them, despite knowing that once we have processed our thoughts and feelings we will be able to move on with our lives more authentically and calmly. [Read more…] about Did You Notice….?

Lessons in Failure

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FAILIf at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

I have no idea where this adage comes from, but the great thing about this and many other sayings, is that they are usually true!

Unfortunately though, we are taught, either formally or mostly informally that failure is a bad thing, and yet in the view of successful people this just isn’t the case.  You only need look to Thomas Edison’s famous quote:

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

for a healthy reminder of the need to try various options regardless of the failure rate, and yet, we persist in holding back on our dreams, for the most part due to the fear of failure.

Wonderful though it is to have a reminder that when we’re knocked back by failure, it is most likely in our interests to get back up and try again, what this saying doesn’t address is the need to be prepared to take action in the first place.  For many people there is much difficulty in making a start on something new without any guarantee of a successful outcome.  But fundamentally, failure to start is the biggest failure:

‘You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try’.   Beverly Sills [Read more…] about Lessons in Failure

The Quote Series: Why It’s Good To Be Self-Disciplined

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cakeThe word ‘discipline’ can have many negative connotations.  We can associate it with being restricted in some way or being prevented from doing that which we want to do, it can also be associated with corporal punishment and therefore with pain.  Is it any wonder then that today’s society is perceived as lacking the discipline of our forebears?

Nowadays we are perceived as a generation of people who, through lack of discipline or knowledge or peer and/or media pressure seek instant gratification, forgoing the foresight to assess the results of our current actions on our future selves.

Maybe our society, in an effort to ‘be all things to all men’ has become too liberal, or maybe we’ve just forgotten the benefits of a disciplined life and the long term advantages this can have for us, or, by contrast, the difficulties which await us in the future should we choose to live an un-disciplined life now.

Below I’ve picked out a few quotes which delve into the subject of discipline, with an emphasis on why it’s so important.  A key concept to remember though is that discipline isn’t something we ‘do’ to other people.  Instead, the emphasis is on self-discipline, which, in time sends out a clear message to those around us about our values and underlies our personal integrity.  It is also likely that our self-discipline will ‘rub off’ on those around us, especially our children who, of course, learn from our actions. [Read more…] about The Quote Series: Why It’s Good To Be Self-Disciplined

Labels and Definitions: Do They Serve You Well?

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windowDo you know who you are and fully recognise the real person who lurks inside?

Think about this for a moment and ask yourself ‘do my actions reflect the person I really am?’

I was thinking about this view because we are so fond of putting labels on ourselves, whether they are good or bad, and wondered to what extent we live up (or down) to these definitions.  I was also thinking about the old adage that ‘actions speak louder than words’ and I am sure there have been times when you’ve witnessed a disparity in what somebody says and what he then does.  But of course, we can be, and sometimes are, all guilty of this trait.

I wonder why this is?  Is it because we want to impress someone or maybe we want to be liked or to fit in?  Or maybe we just don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do, in which case, it wouldn’t be self-evident that we were in fact not acting consistently with the person we believe ourselves to be.

Placing labels on ourselves is normal and obviously helpful in allowing us to define who we believe we are to other people.  But let’s just have a look at the idea of definitions. [Read more…] about Labels and Definitions: Do They Serve You Well?

When Life Sends You Lemons….

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suffolk sunriseI’ve been away from my blog for quite some time, and it was a surprise to realise that it has in fact been seven weeks since my last post.  I hope you will forgive me for this quiet period.

I’ve thought long and hard about whether I should write about my reasons for being away and it seems to me that there’s a lesson or two contained in the difficult weeks I’ve experienced and it would somehow be unfair to my readers to gloss over them as if they hadn’t happened.  So here it is…

Way back at the beginning of August, I was involved in a car accident.  Luckily, I experienced no physical injury, although the after effects of dealing with the emotional issues has been an uncomfortable journey.  I guess this would have been enough to deal with at the time, but another blow was about to come when three weeks later my husband had a sudden and completely unexpected heart attack.  Before I go any further, let me just reassure you that he is making an excellent recovery, but of course, at the time, this was a huge shock for me and my family.

In the immediate aftermath of this event, my focus became laser-like, concentrated on the care of my husband and children and everything else was pushed to the periphery of my mind.  But over time, and with a good recovery and prognosis, my mind came back to the importance of picking up my goals and keeping with the journey.

One of the things that Jim Rohn taught me a long time ago through his books and audio programs is that “What happens happens to us all”.  Sometimes this can be a hard pill to swallow; after all, some people experience far more appalling experiences than others, while other people seem to sail through life without a care in the world. [Read more…] about When Life Sends You Lemons….