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What’s the Problem?

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globeI think it’s fair to say that we often feel that our lives are beset with problems; those of our own making and those which turn up unexpectedly due to a series of events outside of our control which result in an undesired outcome.  It’s also fair to say that some people view even trivial or routine “must dos” as problems simply because they don’t want to take the action required in order to alleviate the ‘problem’.  Of course, the dilemma with this attitude is that the problem grows –sometimes for real, because without attention the issue gets worse, sometimes just within our minds, or sometimes both.

But despite all the negative connotations associated with problems, it was very difficult to find a string of quotes that maintained this negative stance!  The nearest quote I found which could be interpreted as negative was this quote by Abraham Maslow:

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

But even this quote from Maslow says more about our attitude to problems rather than the problem itself.

And it’s our attitude to our problems that really makes the difference, rather than the problem itself.  As I’ve already mentioned in the opening paragraph, sometimes we treat even trivial or routine and expected tasks as problems.  For example:

  • Cutting the lawn
  • Completing our tax return
  • Planning what to cook for the family evening meal
  • Redecorating the bedroom

[Read more…] about What’s the Problem?

Should you control your reactions?

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familyEverything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are.  Dr David Hawkins.

This quote appeared on a Facebook page I follow a little while ago.  It’s a very succinct quote which covers a huge area of our lives and I think warrants exploring a little deeper, as its true meaning can be difficult to understand and most importantly, to accept.

In essence, what this quote is telling us is that we are responsible for all the things we experience in our lives now, have experienced in the past and will have and experience in the future.  No matter what has happened to us right up until this point, good or bad, we are responsible.  Harsh, eh?  After all, there will be things that have happened to us over which we had no control.  Examples where we may not feel any responsibility could be a car accident where the other driver was at fault, or the death of a loved one.

In these examples it’s difficult to see how we could be responsible for the outcome, but this isn’t really what the quote is trying to convey to us.  The reality is that in whatever situation we find ourselves, we are responsible for our reaction, and that’s it, in a nutshell.

There’s a further difficulty with this concept and that is that we believe that our reactions are justifiable, and this may be true, but, the point we often miss is that our reactions will create our ongoing reality.  To put this another way, the thing we need to understand is that we are our behaviour, which is the same as saying we are how we react.

But, just to confuse things a little further, believing our reactions to be justifiable doesn’t mean that those on the receiving end have to or will accept them in the way we intended.  That’s down to their perception!  If you think back I’m sure you will have experienced situations where misunderstandings arose between yourself and someone else because others’ perceptions of our behaviour may not be in line with what we intended for them to understand from our personal conduct.  Frankly, it all sounds like a nightmare!

Take a look at this simple multiple choice question, and choose which response you would be most likely to follow: [Read more…] about Should you control your reactions?

Dealing with Negative People

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lightsStarting any kind of new venture can be stimulating, nerve-wracking, scary, exciting, daunting, overwhelming and many other adjectives that we may choose to apply, but the one thing that it’s not likely to be (particularly in the long-term) is easy.  For this reason, it’s always beneficial to have support from our families and friends.

Support can be in many forms, like being given the time and space necessary to learn what we need to know, encouragement to keep going when things aren’t progressing as well as we’d hoped, maybe a ‘sounding board’ for when we just need to let off some frustration, or someone to share our successes with when things are going well!

But unfortunately, support for our goals isn’t always forthcoming, especially in the early days.  In fact, quite often what we experience is the opposite.

How often have you been excited to embark on a new goal or project only to be discouraged by those you thought would share your excitement with you?  Unfortunately this experience is very common.  In fact, a lot of people seem to take delight in attempting to stop others pursuing their dreams and we have a whole array of words to describe these people: they are the Debbie-Downers, the Naysayers, the Pessimists, the Redlighters, and the Doubting Thomas(es)…

Sometimes their reactions can be hurtful, but before judging their response as an attempt to hold us back, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why they might react negatively to our plans.

They might think you will change

Some of your friends and family might have a subconscious fear that you might change, and if you change, you might not like them anymore, or they might not like you!  Well, it’s inevitable that if you continue to pursue your goals, you will change.  How could this possibly not be the case?  If you diet, you will lose weight, if you study, you will learn more, if you buy a house, your financial commitments will change, if you have a child, your time commitments will be different.  In other words, either you will have changed directly or you will be changed as a result of your changed circumstances. [Read more…] about Dealing with Negative People

Are Groundhog Days Holding You Back?

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Are Groundhog Days Holding You Back?

Some time ago, I blogged about the importance of persistence in the battle to achieve our goals.  One of the things that I mentioned in that blog was that I, like everyone else, often succumb to my old bad habits or old ways of doing things at the expense of maintaining my new good habits.  I will have seen progress whilst instigating these new good habits, but, for whatever reason, I fall off the wagon and slowly, or sometimes quickly, drift back to my old ways.

I also went on to tell you that these days, I am much better at getting back on the wagon sooner, so, even though there may have been some ‘damage’, this can be limited by my ability to get back to my new good habits sooner rather than later.

And this is where I found myself recently.  In the last few months I’ve fallen off the weight control/healthy eating wagon.  Consequently I’ve gained some weight, lost some (read ‘a lot of’) muscle tone and am generally feeling more lethargic.  My clothes are tighter.  It then dawned on me that it was time to face the situation and get back on that wagon.

So, in the last few days, I have re-subscribed to myFitnessPal, which is the app I use on my phone to keep track of my food and exercise calories.  I’ve also been out for a few long walks and have been careful about what food I’ve allowed to pass my lips.  Everything has been recorded in the app. [Read more…] about Are Groundhog Days Holding You Back?

Heralding Change

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Tower-Card 16 (1)Tonight I have invited Sheri Levenstein Conaway to share one of her blog posts with you. Sheri is a prolific blogger who writes from the heart.  As soon as I read the post you’re about to read, my reaction was ‘I wish I’d written that post’!  Naturally then, I wanted to share it with my readers and Sheri was gracious enough to let me do so.

Change comes to all of us, whether we like it or not, but Sheri gives us hope that despite the changes we will become a stronger person if we are just willing to learn the lesson.

Nicola

***************************************************************************************************************** [Read more…] about Heralding Change