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Be The Change and Improve Your Life

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change improveDo you ever feel like you’re being pulled every-which-way? There’s too much to do, too many demands on your time and the things you actually want to do hardly even make it to the bottom of your to-do list, let alone the top?

If this is you, then you’re not alone. Multiple surveys, covering subjects such as how much time you have to spend with your loved ones , on your hobbies or just chilling out have shown that we just feel overwhelmed with commitments and have little to no time to achieve our goals. The results are tiredness, lethargy, overwhelm, frustration, anxiety and lack of fulfilment to name but a few.

In today’s post I’m going to share with you three different changes I’ve made which has allowed me to think differently, to carve out time more effectively and to be more consistent in achieving my goals.  In other words, these are my attempts to ‘be the change’ I want to see in my world.

My Challenges

It’s been a number of years since I felt compelled to pursue my writing passion. Indeed, five years on and the compulsion to write is still as strong as ever. But in the intervening years, there have been many distractions, doubters and failures which could, and sometimes have taken me off course. But, whatever has come my way, nothing and no one have been able to persuade me to give up altogether! [Read more…] about Be The Change and Improve Your Life

An Ideal Day?!

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…and b-r-e-a-t-h-e….

It was the start of a hectic day.  In this case a Sunday which should have been relaxing, but wasn’t.

You know the kind of day when you can’t seem to find a moment for yourself, when your mental to-do list is screaming for attention, but others’ demands are screaming even louder. The upshot is frustration, overwhelm and stress!

‘Welcome to my world’ I hear you say. And indeed, I hear it.

I have this utopian vision of waking up on a Sunday morning, the sun is shining, casting diagonal brightness through the blinds across the white duvet, my first cup of tea has already been placed by the bed and all is well with the world.

Instead, it was a fitful night’s sleep, punctuated with cat fights (literally) and toothache (ouch!). The morning has dawned grey (but, thankfully, dry) and my morning cuppa is hurting my aching tooth. Add to the mix a hubby with a pulled back muscle, barely walking and needing some TLC, three adult children competing for bathrooms to see who can get out of the house soonest and my mental-to-do list screaming its needs at me, and instead it feels like Armageddon! [Read more…] about An Ideal Day?!

An Antidote To Boredom

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How To Beat Boredom (or What’s the antidote?!)

I felt bored today.

You know; that kind of boredom where you can’t even get out of your own way to make yourself feel better? The only things that seemed to filter through my mind were all the boring things I needed to do, and of course, there was pretty much no hope of chores motivating me into action!

I carelessly kept flicking through my phone, browsing email, checking my facebook newsfeed, the weather forecast, my to do list…but nothing enthused me. Humph! What’s a girl to do?! Ideally what I needed was for someone to rescue me. Someone to offer up an excuse for an hour out at the shops, or to grab a coffee and a natter, but I couldn’t even muster the enthusiasm to send the text…

Do you have days like these? They’re so frustrating. By the end of the day, you’ve usually overcome your funk to some extent, but then feelings of panic and guilt set in as you frantically try to get the most important things done ready for the next day.

The Itch That Can’t Be Scratched

I used to think that it was probably lethargy, that maybe I was too tired after a heavy week at work and therefore needed to rest up. But scientific studies don’t support this definition. Instead, science defines boredom as being:

Aggressively dissatisfying in the sense that you have a high level of motivation to be engaged but nothing that you do seems to satisfy that need.  James Danckert, University of Waterloo, Ontario.

But taking control and beating boredom isn’t always an easy sacrifice to make. After all, boredom, like a lot of other negative emotions requires effort to change it, which we may be unwilling or unable to make. As I’ve described above, my day of boredom was seized by my inability to get out of my own way in the moment.

It’s important then to understand what’s driving the boredom. Is it genuinely a need for rest and relaxation, maybe provided by a different environment, such as a walk on the beach or in the countryside?

An opportunity to replenish ourselves by ‘taking from’ nature in this case rather than the giving of ourselves through the daily demands which have led up to this point? Sometimes we’re just ‘spent’ and the resultant emotion is world-weariness, a kind of boredom tinged with sadness.

If this is the case, an ‘easy’ option is probably the best advice. Give yourself a break from your routine, down-tools and look after Number 1.

But what if it’s not tiredness? What if you are motivated to do something, you just can’t find the something that will get you buzzing again?

What Do You Really Want?

Leo Tolstoy offers us this very succinct view:

Boredom: the desire for desires.

I love this quote because for me it aptly sums up what boredom is all about. It gives us a clue that our desires have not been fully articulated. Whether that is in the moment or for the future, the result is the same. We’re reduced to inactivity. We know we want to do something, but what? Consequently we feel dissatisfied with our lives and experience boredom.

As I write about boredom and the links it holds with not really knowing what we want, I’m easily reminded of earlier years, with my very clearly articulated (and publicly shared) goals. 2015 was an incredible year of activity, which has made for some wonderful memories. Whilst I’m sure I had periods of boredom during the year, I’m also convinced that they would have been short lived as there were so many plans and activities that filled the time.

Looking for the Remedy

There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.
Viggo Mortensen

It seems obvious then that to beat boredom what we need is a well-defined activity which aligns with our values. The trouble is that we need to know our own personal antidote(s) well before the boredom sets in. Trying to find the cure when we’re already mired in frustration and/or apathy is too late.

So how can this be achieved?

If you haven’t already got a well-defined, or even a loose set of goals, now is the time to get to work. Work on your goals and plans now, so that you will either be (a) too busy to feel bored, or, if boredom sets in you (b) have a list you can refer to!

Don’t leave this task to chance. Don’t assume that when the time comes, you will be able to think up a list of activities that you will find enjoyable. I can assure you that when you’re in a funk, your brain will only be able to muster things that will make you feel even worse!

Bear in mind also, that when you’re not at your best, difficult or challenging tasks might not be the way to go. Think small and think joy and happiness. What lifts your spirits?  Go create a list…

You can also Join my free, private Facebook Group!  You’ll find weekly mini challenges, fun ideas and questions that make you think!  We’re a friendly supportive bunch and I’d love to have you on board!  We’re all about getting moving on fun and challenging activities, so beating boredom is a given!

Here’s a short list you can peruse for ideas so that you can get your own let’s beat boredom list ready:

My ‘When I’m Bored List’

• Is it a certain person? Put them on your list to invite out.
• Is it a hobby that you have little time for? Make sure you have the materials or means available so that you can pick it up and absorb yourself for a while.
• Is it watching a box set? Set it up, grab a cuppa and settle down.

‘Curing’ boredom often isn’t about the big tasks. It’s about finding the small and manageable things that have the ability to lift us out of our mood.  Use your list whenever you feel bored, scan it for an activity that appeals to you (even if only a little), and then do it.  You don’t need to feel any guilt or remorse, just indulge and remember that being bored all day never achieved anything, but indulging in a little of something that makes you happy is infintely better!

Don’t forget to come join us in my free Facebook Group – perfect for those who want to stop being bored and get ahead!

Photo: Azrul Aziz, Unsplash

beating boredom beat boredom

Are You Really Responsible?

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Responsible_1Being 100% responsible for our own life is one of those statements which, if asked, we would probably answer in the affirmative. After all, how could we not be 100% responsible for our own life? That would be a nonsense! But unfortunately for many , this response is actually incorrect.

Because being 100% responsible for our own lives would mean that we would have to accept that our current circumstances are exactly what we’ve made for ourselves and our future lives are completely within our grasp and are subject to our own plans. This means, regardless of what life has thrown at us or will throw at us in the future, we still have it within ourselves to create the life we desire.

It’s a tall order, because on the one hand it releases us to be who we really are and allows us to aim for the things we want, knowing that if we want it badly enough to do the work, then those things can be ours. However, on the other hand it places us in a position of knowing that we can no longer blame other people or circumstances for the life we live even if we don’t like it.

[Read more…] about Are You Really Responsible?

Dealing With Criticism

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criticism0

Dealing with criticism is difficult.  It can cause us unhappiness and distress.  In my post today I’ve taken a fictional case study approach to exploring this area.

Marie sat opposite me sipping a cup of coffee, her eyes red and puffy from crying which, for now, had at least stopped.

“I’ve struggled to deal with criticism all my life.” She told me.

“Whether this was well-meant in the form of so-called (she highlighted the words) constructive criticism or a deliberate insult seems to have been irrelevant. Instead my automatic response was, and is, always to take it to heart and then to make the mental leap from initial indignation to upset and anguish.”

The tears threatened the edges of her mascaraed eyes once again…

“It’s as if I can’t rationalise what I’m being told in the moment and either can’t accept it as a fair point or I’m unable to come back with sensible reasons as to why it’s just not true.”

“But then, I can’t deny how, when I felt the criticism was undeserved, it has fuelled in me a desire to show the culprit that I am not guilty of the so called misdemeanour. This in turn has made me very determined and consequently made me push hard against my perceived barriers.” [Read more…] about Dealing With Criticism

3 Tried and Tested Ways to Keep Unwanted Thoughts Away

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thinking1Concentrate for a moment, quiet your mind, definitely DO NOT think about flying pigs…

You did, didn’t you? You just couldn’t stop the image of flying pigs springing into your mind, even though you were trying not to think about them! It’s ok, we all do that. It doesn’t matter how hard we try to not think about something, the not thinking is exactly the trigger which will make it come to mind! Intriguing, yes?

There’s some sound scientific research behind the theory of why we struggle to suppress unwanted thoughts. Developed by Daniel Wenger, a psychology professor at Havard University, it is known as ironic monitoring theory and refers to our minds tendency to rebound thoughts that we are trying to avoid. Hence the recurring visions of the flying pigs.

According to Wenger, when we try to suppress a thought, our mind accepts the cue to do so, but then ‘checks in’ periodically to make sure that we are not thinking about the banned thought, thereby bringing the thought back to mind! [Read more…] about 3 Tried and Tested Ways to Keep Unwanted Thoughts Away