Let's Connect!

Achieve Your Best Life

Live your life your way

problems

Are You Really Responsible?

by

Responsible_1Being 100% responsible for our own life is one of those statements which, if asked, we would probably answer in the affirmative. After all, how could we not be 100% responsible for our own life? That would be a nonsense! But unfortunately for many , this response is actually incorrect.

Because being 100% responsible for our own lives would mean that we would have to accept that our current circumstances are exactly what we’ve made for ourselves and our future lives are completely within our grasp and are subject to our own plans. This means, regardless of what life has thrown at us or will throw at us in the future, we still have it within ourselves to create the life we desire.

It’s a tall order, because on the one hand it releases us to be who we really are and allows us to aim for the things we want, knowing that if we want it badly enough to do the work, then those things can be ours. However, on the other hand it places us in a position of knowing that we can no longer blame other people or circumstances for the life we live even if we don’t like it.

[Read more…] about Are You Really Responsible?

5 Valuable Reasons to Indulge in Self-Reflection

by

Self-Reflect_1Self-reflection gets a bad rap sometimes. It has many close cousins from wallowing and self-indulgence to over-analysing leading to self-doubt and paralysis when action is needed. But this is to ignore the benefits that a good ‘ole positive self-reflection can have on our lives if we’re prepared to heed what our deeper selves have to say and then make some alterations in our perceptions, how we approach life and/or others and how we live with ourselves.

There’s also a potential downside when maybe we don’t like what we see, but with an open-mind and the right attitude, these negative revelations can also be turned around. Indeed, it’s through these most challenging insights that the greatest gains may be made.

Get To Know Yourself Better

We all think we know ourselves well, but this often isn’t the case. Can you remember a time when, after an experience, you’ve wondered why you did or said something? Maybe you felt bad about your reaction or surprised at your depth of feelings in reaction to something someone said or did? If this is the case, then maybe that self-knowledge you believe you have isn’t as precise as you think. [Read more…] about 5 Valuable Reasons to Indulge in Self-Reflection

Dealing With Criticism

by

criticism0

Dealing with criticism is difficult.  It can cause us unhappiness and distress.  In my post today I’ve taken a fictional case study approach to exploring this area.

Marie sat opposite me sipping a cup of coffee, her eyes red and puffy from crying which, for now, had at least stopped.

“I’ve struggled to deal with criticism all my life.” She told me.

“Whether this was well-meant in the form of so-called (she highlighted the words) constructive criticism or a deliberate insult seems to have been irrelevant. Instead my automatic response was, and is, always to take it to heart and then to make the mental leap from initial indignation to upset and anguish.”

The tears threatened the edges of her mascaraed eyes once again…

“It’s as if I can’t rationalise what I’m being told in the moment and either can’t accept it as a fair point or I’m unable to come back with sensible reasons as to why it’s just not true.”

“But then, I can’t deny how, when I felt the criticism was undeserved, it has fuelled in me a desire to show the culprit that I am not guilty of the so called misdemeanour. This in turn has made me very determined and consequently made me push hard against my perceived barriers.” [Read more…] about Dealing With Criticism

3 Tried and Tested Ways to Keep Unwanted Thoughts Away

by

thinking1Concentrate for a moment, quiet your mind, definitely DO NOT think about flying pigs…

You did, didn’t you? You just couldn’t stop the image of flying pigs springing into your mind, even though you were trying not to think about them! It’s ok, we all do that. It doesn’t matter how hard we try to not think about something, the not thinking is exactly the trigger which will make it come to mind! Intriguing, yes?

There’s some sound scientific research behind the theory of why we struggle to suppress unwanted thoughts. Developed by Daniel Wenger, a psychology professor at Havard University, it is known as ironic monitoring theory and refers to our minds tendency to rebound thoughts that we are trying to avoid. Hence the recurring visions of the flying pigs.

According to Wenger, when we try to suppress a thought, our mind accepts the cue to do so, but then ‘checks in’ periodically to make sure that we are not thinking about the banned thought, thereby bringing the thought back to mind! [Read more…] about 3 Tried and Tested Ways to Keep Unwanted Thoughts Away

5 Ways to Deal With Your Worries

by

cares 

If we worry, we don’t trust;  if we trust, we don’t worry.  Worry does not empty tomorrow of its grief, but it does empty today of its joy.  James Kurtz.

These are worrying times, if the media are to be believed.  There are wars waging around the world, we’ve witnessed some catastrophic airplane losses in the last few months and world finances still appear to be precarious.

Of course, these are macro-worries, but what about our personal micro-worries?  Unstable or unsatisfactory relationships, job concerns or dissatisfaction, health issues, etc the list can be endless.  So is it any wonder that worrying becomes almost a pastime for so many people?  And then, of course, along with worrying comes the tendency to complain.  This is a tricky one: should we tolerate or disapprove because in some instances complaining is a form of emotional release, particularly when seeking the support of friends or family? [Read more…] about 5 Ways to Deal With Your Worries

Are You the Best Friend You Can Be?

by

Ladies Having TeaIn these days of Facebook friends, where people can have thousands of friends viewing and perhaps contributing to their lives, it can be difficult to not only remember, but also to appreciate the real, physical friends that inhabit our day-to-day world.

It’s becoming a bit of a cliché to admonish those of us (yes, I’m included too) who spend too much time on social media at the expense of maintaining our real flesh and blood relationships, but in many cases, social media has in fact provided a means for people to reconnect after years of little or no contact which in most cases is a good thing. [Read more…] about Are You the Best Friend You Can Be?