Lessons In Personal Development: An Open and Honest Post
Think about the experiences you’ve had while working to improve yourself. What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned in relation to personal growth? Why was it so important to you?
These are the questions I’ve been pondering this week, which has resulted in this open and honest post about my lessons in personal development.
I know it sounds a bit silly, but for the longest part of my life, and before my discovery of self-help books, I didn’t even realise that there was such a thing as intentional personal development.
Please don’t misunderstand. I had been indulging in personal development pretty much my whole life until that point, but I had achieved it unintentionally, blindly almost.
Moving through academia from my youngest years until my teens and beyond, I just had a love of learning and was naturally curious. Consequently, I would easily sign up for the next learning experience. But, all of these experiences were driven by interest in the particular subject matter, rather than an intense desire to steer my life in a particular direction. Consequently my life lacked a clear path.
Finding The Success Principles
That all changed in 2005, when I discovered the book The Success Principles
Frankly, it blew my mind!
Up until this point, I never knew that there was such a thing as intentional personal growth! I look back now at my inexperience with a mix of embarrassment and compassion for my naivety. But, I’m forever grateful that Jack Canfield’s book entered my life and for the mindset change it, and now many other books have created in my life.
The Success Principles is packed with great advice, but, as I look back and consider which of the success principles has been the most important to me, there is one that sits above all others.
My Major Life Lessons Learned in Personal Development
Here’s the most important lesson I’ve learned about personal growth:
Jack says it like this…
If you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life.
It took me a long time to actually understand what that meant, and even longer to implement. But knowledge, as they say, is power, and with my newly discovered knowledge, things started to change.
What This Lesson Means T0 Me In Practical Terms
1. Keep going even when you don’t feel like it
How often do you wait to do something until you feel like it? And, how often has that moment never really materialised and you end up with an emergency to deal with or you’ve missed an opportunity through lack of preparation or an unwillingness to put yourself out there?
Hmm, exactly!
That’s the problem with waiting for the luxury of feeling like it, waiting for the motivation to light a fire under us or waiting for the muse to arrive. They never arrive on cue…if at all!
Well, that was me for a long time. I think I’m quite lucky with having a fairly high degree of motivation…for the things that interest me, but, when it comes down to doing things that are somewhat more challenging, well, that was when I would wait to feeeel it!
And of course, that’s when nothing much would happen. Good ideas would wither away, potential relationships would fail to flourish, travels and adventures would be lived vicariously through the TV and money-making opportunities would pass me by.
I wonder how many of these, and maybe other examples you can identify with and firmly lay the blame at the feet of “I just didn’t feel like it…”?
2. Your circumstances just “are”. It’s what you do about it that matters
Closely aligned with “I just don’t feel like it…” is where you currently find yourself in life.
Prior to starting to understand and apply Jack’s success principles, I would often blame my lack of progress on any challenging circumstance that came my way.
It was an easy opt-out for two reasons:
1. People were often sympathetic to my trials and tribulations (and don’t we just love sympathy!);
2. People understood because they were probably experiencing the same of similar circumstances too.
It was a perfect recipe for mediocrity! Furthermore, I truly believed that it was an acceptable reason for not making changes or any significant progress.
But true personal development happens when we’re no longer willing to allow our circumstances to define our life.
So what if there’s a recession, my boss shouts at me or my toddler kept me up all night? These things happen to everyone, not just me, but it was a revelation to me that I could experience difficult circumstances but decide to move beyond them anyway.
Furthermore, it became clear that not only can I choose to move beyond them, but that I should move beyond them, because the circumstances just “are”. They’re happening to everyone, so what makes me so special that I can avoid stretching myself?
3. I am responsible for everything that happens to me
This is a tough statement to accept because when things happen to us that aren’t our fault, it’s natural to blame other people or the conditions that led up to the event.
For example, the guy who drives into our car? – not our fault. Our children truanting from school? – not our fault. The state of the economy? – not our fault.
And frankly I agree.
But, choosing to assign blame and allowing myself to be the victim in these scenarios just doesn’t serve me or my aspirations.
A better response is to see the situation dispassionately and ask myself, “well, what can I do to make the best of this?”.
It’s often not easy, as the wallow-in-self-pity gene has previously been pretty well developed in my psyche. But these days, I try to catch myself wallowing sooner rather than later and then work to take back control of the outcome as best I can.
Why It’s So Important
Without the continued growth, understanding and implementation of my new found belief, I wouldn’t be in the place I am now.
Like most people, I’ve experienced my share of setbacks, and the hardest of these have been the personal setbacks rather than the professional ones.
It’s so easy to be completely overwhelmed or subsumed by the emotions of personal challenges, and, as I said above, because everyone can share and understand their own experiences of pain and challenge, it’s easy to become stuck.
It might not even be that you feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes there’s a societal ‘norm’ for you to behave in a certain way after a personal upset, and flying in the face of that expectation can portray you as being cold and unfeeling.
But whatever the reasons for getting stuck, it’s important to find a way to get moving again.
And that’s why this particular success principle from Jack Canfield has been so important to me. Without an understanding and acceptance that:
• Whether I feel like it or not, I should just get on with it;
• My circumstances are not especially unique, so I should just get on with it;
• I am responsible for what happens to me, so I may as well get on with it!
…I would not be pursuing my goals in 2018 and certainly wouldn’t have done so over the previous five years.
It’s amazing what a new piece of information, along with an attitude adjustment can do to move your life forward. Don’t be fooled that it’s easy – it’s not, but, it is worth it not just for the results that turn up in your life, but even more so for the person you become as you strive to rise above the things life throws your way.
Conclusion
I hope you’ve enjoyed this very open and honest post of my lessons in personal development and that it inspires you to also think back to where some new information has made you strive for something better in your life.
Taking the time to appreciate where and why changes have come about can empower you to stick with your plans and keep moving in your chosen direction to reach the success you deserve!
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