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Whose Goals Are They Anyway?

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Whose Goals Are They Anyway?

I love planning.  I love to spend time analysing the goals I want to achieve and then break them down into manageable tasks, finally coming up with a chart or worksheet which assigns days and timeslots to each requirement.  Working on my plan not only gives me a sense of calm and control, but it also enthuses and motivates me…it makes me want to get going!

So, having set out my goals and broken everything down into tasks, you’d think that I would race towards my goals with no problems whatsoever, but like most people this just isn’t the case.  We’ve talked about distractions before, but today I want to delve a little deeper and take a different angle.

Have you ever considered that despite all your planning you might actually be living into someone else’s goals?   Think about it this way: do you notice an innocent tendency to put more effort into someone else’s needs than your own goals?  Picture this…

A friend calls me up and asks if I wouldn’t mind driving her to the gym as her son has borrowed her car, but he can pick her up later she assures me.  It’s really only a 20 minute round trip, so of course I say yes.  Over an hour later, I’m finally back at my computer trying to meet my writing deadline. The muse evaporated long ago; around about the time I felt the little twinge of resentment when we had to call at the supermarket on the way to the gym to pick up a few things she was missing for the dinner party she’s hosting tonight.  Of course my friend is a very happy lady; she’s achieved her fitness goals for the day and is looking forward to an enjoyable evening!

By contrast, I’m frustrated and resentful; I’ve allowed a key part of my day to fall into someone else’s plans and will now spend the rest of the day feeling rushed, the calm and control that previously existed gone.

Variations of this type of scenario crop up regularly.  The pleas for help are different but the outcome is usually the same.  There’s a great quote by Jim Rohn which sums up the effect of this tendency to help others at the expense of our own goals very powerfully:

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan.  And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”

This is a stark reminder of the importance of not only working out what you want for your life,  but also of the need to take the time and make the effort to do the work to get there.  In other words, we must always protect our goal time otherwise there’s a very good chance that we’ll fall into someone else’s plans which will ultimately take us off course.

Now, I don’t advocate that we stop helping other people!  I love to see others succeed at their goals, and if I can help in their quest I’m more than happy to do that.  No, what I’m saying is that we all need to be keenly aware of our priorities and then take a measured view as to whether the request for help fits with our plans at that time.  After all, in many cases, we can help later.

So how do we protect the time we plan to spend on our goals?  Well, I think it’s about controlling expectations, not yours incidentally, but the expectations others unknowingly place on you.  In some ways you could call them your personal rules.  In the business world this is common practice, businesses attempt to control customer expectations in order to avoid complaints etc.  Similarly we can do the same.  It’s important to place barriers around your key working times (this is especially true if you work from home), the times when you will not respond to requests for help, other than to assure the requestor that you will help later.  If you can stick to this regime, then in time the requests will slow and then probably stop altogether as others respect your working times.

Consider writing out some personal rules and placing them somewhere you will see them often, as a reminder of an ideal to work towards.  Share your new rules with those nearest to you so that they won’t consider your plans a personal rebuff, and then work the rules as often and as consistently as possible.  You’ll likely see an increase in your productivity and/or progress towards your goals which will make you feel happier, and of course, if you feel happier, everyone around you will benefit!

So what sort of rules do you already have?  Do they work?  Please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences, you never know who you might help!

 

Photo: SurFerGiRL30

It’s Time To Believe In You!

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Kilimanjaro
Mount Kilimanjaro

I hope by now you’ve started to think about your goals, whether they are short, medium or long term.  I also hope that during this process you’ve begun to think a little bigger than you usually do, despite how scary this may be.  However, if you have been thinking along these lines, you may be starting to enter a danger zone which could turn the whole process off and see you rushing back to your comfort zone.

After all, here, in the comfort zone, we know what’s required and it takes little, if any effort to keep the wheels turning.  But, somewhere deep inside, we know there’s more, we want more and we have more to give.  It’s just a little bit scary to put ourselves out there, because we’re not really sure we can do what’s required.

So what’s really stopping us from breaking free of our current lifestyle and shaping ourselves into something newer, shinier, brighter?  There are many reasons for this, but in this post I’m going to consider just one and that is that we don’t actually believe in the successful achievement of our goals.

One of the things that struck me about this was that often our goals seem too far into the future, too large or both, and to actually articulate them makes them sound completely outrageous and therefore outside the realms of belief!

For example take a look at these 5/10-year-goals:

  • I will climb Mount Kilimanjaro
  • I will own a Lamborghini
  • I will be an Oscar-winning actor
  • I will be a New York Times bestselling author

Do they sound too outrageous?  As you read each of these goals, did your automatic defence mechanism kick in and tell you that these goals are impossible for you?  They’re too hard, you don’t have the talent or skills needed, you wouldn’t know what to do etc.

This is natural; we humans have a well-developed sense of self-preservation and by default seek to avoid most risks.  But, to what extent do we believe what our defence mechanisms are telling us?  The sad thing is that most of us accept the little voice inside our head that keeps us safe and consequently our achievements become limited by our (safe) beliefs, but, as Richard Bach tells us “argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours”.

If we can’t believe that any of these or any other ‘outrageous’ desires can be ours, then we will never get off the starting blocks.  It’s imperative therefore that we believe that we can achieve our goals, no matter how far into the future those achievements might be, because failing to believe will lead to failure to start, and if we don’t start, well, we fail.

Let’s take a look at one of these goals and analyse my potential for success!  Let’s say I wanted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro within the next 5 years, and let’s assume that I have the support of my family to make that commitment (not that I need it, but it would probably help).  Even as I write this, my mind is already giving me all the reasons I can’t climb the mountain…

  • I’m too old
  • I’m not fit enough
  • I haven’t got the time
  • I’m afraid of heights
  • I love my creature comforts and hate camping
  • I’ve never climbed a mountain…hills don’t count!
  • I don’t have the equipment…and on and on and on…

So are these excuses insurmountable (sorry!)?  Here’s my counter-list:

  • The oldest person to climb Kilimanjaro was Richard Byerley from the USA, who reached the summit in October 2011 when he was 84 years old!  Even I’m not that old 😉
  • I can work on my fitness
  • I’ll give up something so I can find the time
  • I’ve lived with being afraid of heights for most of my life, so I’ll just get on with it
  • I’ve been camping before!
  • I can join a climbing club and train hard
  • I can buy or hire the equipment

So if I can find reasonable answers to each of the excuses I have for not attempting this goal, then that’s all I’m left with is having belief in myself that I can achieve it.  There’s no doubt that it will take a number of years to prepare for the climb, but, if I truly want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro then the only thing that can stand in my way is me and my belief (or lack of) in my own abilities.

So why not give this little exercise a try?

  1. Write out one or more of your big, outrageous long-term goals or desires.
  2. Next, let your mind run off in every direction until it’s found all of the reasons why you can’t, all of your excuses and all your objections.  Write each one down as they come to mind.
  3. Then, write another list to counter each of these negatives with a reasonable or possible solution (don’t worry too much about the feasibility of the solution, once you embark on your journey  your solutions will begin to firm up and make more sense)
  4. Now ask yourself what’s truly holding you back

I’d like to end with a quote from Earl Nightingale, just in case you find it useful as a counter-argument for one of your objections….

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it.  The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best use possible.”

As always I love to hear from you.  Please leave a comment and perhaps share your outrageous goal(s) or let me know if you found this exercise useful!

 

Photo: Stig Nygaard

Set Your Goals for Success!

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Set Your Goals For Success!

Goal setting is a vast subject, but despite this, it’s actually not difficult to set goals, as long as we use some kind of structure to evaluate and identify what we want.  But why should we even bother setting goals (and by this I mean writing them down) in the first place?  After all, it might seem that as long as we have a rough idea of what we want, then we will probably get there.  Well, maybe…

My Loose Goal Setting Technique

For many years, I used a goal setting technique which could broadly be described as…letting some ideas, dreams and wishes bump around the inside of my head; they’d randomly pop up in conversation and occasionally the odd goal-oriented action would surface on a to do list.  Frankly, this wasn’t a terribly reliable way of achieving my goals!

Here’s an example of this lofty goal-setting technique in action:

I may well have the idea that I might want to run the next 5km charity fun run being held in my locality.  I’d mull over this idea for a while, perhaps sound out a few friends, and take a look at the fun-run website.  It would all sound like a good idea, something within the realms of possibility and enjoyable to do, apart maybe from the training and fundraising (aka stumbling blocks).

I’d then make some rough, but enthusiastic plans to start running each evening after work.  Everything would be going well but then it would rain, or the cat would need to go to the vets or I’d just be too tired.  Then a week or two would pass before I even realised that I hadn’t made any progress.  I’d then re-engage with my goal and get going again.  Whether this effort would eventually get me to race day with a reasonable amount of sponsorship money is doubtful, but at least the intention was there!

So you might be able to see the problem with this rather loose goal-setting technique.  There’s no plan, no real commitment to the goal, no external accountability, no real success measures and no meaningful analysis of whether it’s appropriate to fit it into my current life anyway.  In fact, I don’t even know why I’d want to do it!

Trying A Structured Goal Setting Technique

So let’s look at the same goal, but this time using a structure, to see if a successful outcome is likely to be more assured.  Assuming the goal adds balance to my life (this will be a post for another time), let’s assume I would like to get a bit fitter and also make a contribution back to my community.  My goal would then be articulated with what I want to achieve by undertaking this challenge.  For example:

I will run the Newtown 5km Fun Run on June 30th, completing the run in 45 minutes or less.  I will also raise £100 sponsorship for my chosen charity, Cancer Research.

Related Post: What Is A Good Goal?

The goal statement deals with my success measures (45 minutes or less and £100 sponsorship money) so I’ll know if I’ve succeeded.  The next two requirements are for commitment and accountability.  Some people like to commit by actually signing up, so that they can no longer back out, I tend to fall into this camp.  So faced with this goal, I would immediately go to the Fun Run website and register my intention to enter the race.  I would also set up an online ‘Giving’ page with my target sponsorship goal stated.

My next step would be to find someone who I could ‘report’ my progress to, or, alternatively I could find myself a running/training partner, who would, just by turning up each day, hold me accountable as I wouldn’t want to let them down.

Finally I would put an action plan together to make sure that I could monitor my progress methodically.  The plan would include the actions I’d need to take on a daily basis along with milestones to be reached at certain points.  This could be as simple as plotting ‘appointments’ in my diary:

Monday 3rd – meet with Jane, walk/run 1km, timed

Tuesday 4th – (rest day) link my Giving page to my FB page

Wednesday 5th – meet with Jane walk/run 1km, increase speed

Thursday 6th – (rest day) update my progress on FB and re-link my Giving page

Friday 7th – meet with Jane walk/run 1.5km – target speed 20 minutes (this entry will be a milestone)

Alternatively, I might use a wall chart or worksheet to plot my actions and milestones so that they are visible to the people around me, thus making me doubly-accountable.

In Summary

Of course, this is just one example applied to one goal, but the method works for all goals.  So remember, to achieve goals, you are far more likely to be successful when you:

  • Write your goal, stating your measure of success
  • Commit to your goal – publicly is better!
  • Find and work with an accountability partner or group (this could be online)
  • Write up a plan, and work it, adjusting as necessary

I hope this gives you some useful guidance to state, plan and work your goals.  Good luck with your goals and please share!

For more ideas, inspiration, support and success come join my FREE, closed Facebook Group where we work on our goals in a supportive and encouraging environment.  There are also weekly mini challenges, questions to make you ponder and fun get-to-know-yous!

runners

Now where are those running shoes…?!

 

Photos: lululemon athletica, ahisgett

 

Life Changing Words: the Quotes Series

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life changing words

Quotes can have a powerful effect on our psyche, and can sometimes be the life changing words that wakes us up to ourselves!  They can help keep us safe and healthy (an apple a day…), they can be a calming influence or they can help to push us along on our journey.  In this first post of a periodic series, I’m going to share with you some of the quotes that have influenced my journey. 

The Life Changing Words

I’ll start today with a quote from a giant of the 20th century, Henry Ford, who was quoted as saying:

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

This is probably the first (of what would become many life changing words) that actually hit me between the eyes, woke me up and truly started me on my journey of change.  Up until this point, I pretty much carried on as usual and actually expected to get different and better results.  I just thought I needed to do more of the same, never realising that by doing more, I would get more of the same result, good or bad!  The definition of insanity from Einstein is also pertinent here…  “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”!

Finding the Way by Mistake

Long before Mr Ford’s quote entered my consciousness, I actually stumbled upon the effect that making a change to my behaviour could have on me, by successfully completing my accountancy exams.  Yes, in my day job I’m an accountant, but for many years I struggled to find the time and energy to apply the required commitment to actually pass the exams.

At that time I had a young family and a full time job and I would come home from work and be immediately distracted by domestic and childcare duties.  By the time the children were in bed, there was no energy left for study.  This routine carried on for a long time and my results were at best, mediocre.  But somewhere in that melee, I decided that if I was ever going to pass the exams, something needed to change.

Experimenting With Change

I tried a number of different techniques, from attending evening classes to locking myself away in my bedroom.  Neither of these worked very well because the former still required that I study after getting home from work, and the latter meant that I was still accessible to the family and domestic demands.

No, the answer for me was to remove myself entirely from my home for the duration of my study periods.  After some trial and error, I eventually achieved this by leaving work at 5pm each evening, heading straight to the local library and staying there until 7pm, before heading home.  This may seem a bit excessive, and in some ways it was (particularly for my husband who had to hold the fort!), but in reality, our world didn’t crumble and after many difficult months, I achieved success and passed the exams!

Missing and then Finding the Lesson

That should have been a happy ending and also an opportunity to learn Mr Ford’s lesson.  But unfortunately it would take a few more years before I once again realised that I had fallen back into the trap of doing the same things over and over while the results I desired eluded me.

The quote itself fully entered my consciousness when I once again started to question the direction my life was travelling.  I had some ill-defined goals, but I was making poor progress and I realised that I needed to take a different approach.  I needed to review what I’d been doing up until that point, continue with and do more of the good stuff, but completely strip out and change the stuff that was taking me in the wrong direction.  This wasn’t an easy task to undertake; it required a lot of introspection, false starts and tough decisions.  And if that’s not scary enough, it’s a lifetime’s work!

You see, there is no end to the doing, reviewing and course altering that’s needed to reach our goals!

Keeping it Small and Simple

But there is some good news; whilst I made a big behavioural change when studying for my exams, sometimes the changes we need to make are actually quite small on a daily basis.

As I’m an accountant, I’ll use the example of compound interest:  by saving a little money regularly and often, never withdrawing the principal or the accumulated interest, our money will grow relatively quickly into a sizeable and worthwhile sum!

Here are a few more examples of how these life changing words can be applied to our lives.  We could:

  • Improve our health – a short daily walk + a daily apple
  • Improve our wealth – as above!
  • Improve our language skills – learn 10 new words a day of our chosen language
  • Improve our self-esteem – listen to and repeat confidence affirmations daily

The possibilities are endless, and the beauty of it is that the actual changes are usually quite small, requiring little effort and/or time, but when compounded, the effect can and will be huge!  The important thing to remember though is that whatever change we introduce, it needs to be different to or more than we’re currently doing for there to be a different outcome.

If you already walk to work for example, but want to drop a few pounds, you’re going to need to increase that walk a little to see any beneficial changes…because as Henry Ford reminds us… “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got”!

Do you have any life changing words?  Words that have caused you to make a change?  Or, where would you like to see some different results in your life?  Care to share?  Leave a comment and commit to making that change today!  I promise to support you 🙂

Related ‘life changing words’ resources, for adults and children

Are You Successful?

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Are You Successful?

Is success always obvious?  My post today offers some food for thought…

Have you ever wondered what success actually looks like? I mean, if you were to look at someone closely, would you be able to tell if they were successful or not?

I’m guessing your immediate response would be to look at someone’s outward possessions and judge success in that way. Clearly, this is an easy measure to use. She wears modern, expensive clothes, drives a brand new car and takes exotic holidays. From the outside, that would definitely look successful to many people. But is it really a good or even an appropriate measure of success?

I Wish I Was…

I recall many years ago, a friend who I was at University with commenting on one of her neighbours (we were both mature students with families). “I wish I could be like Jen”, she said, “she seems so happy and contented, whereas I can’t stop until I achieve the next level…and the next…I don’t want to live in this house and just have these things, but she’s happy with it. What’s her secret?”

For Jen, success could be seen as contentment. But you could take this a step further and actually analyse what that contentment meant. Was Jen’s contentment characterised by a lack of ambition, or had she achieved all that she wanted to at that stage of her life – a comfortable home (by her standards), a happy marriage (by her standards), a career (by her standards) as a stay at home Mum?

My friend, let’s call her Sophie, by contrast was highly driven. As well as running a household (she was married with a young child), she was working part-time in a high pressure PR firm whilst studying full time for a degree. Her life was busy with very little time to relax. My guess is that if Sophie lived Jen’s life she would’ve been bored and looking for something to fill her time. Being contented, for Sophie, did not equal success. [Read more…] about Are You Successful?